There is only one recurring theme in the song "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue, and that recurring theme is repetition. Not only in the incessant repetition of that one word, but of things like names of strip clubs of which 6 different ones are mentioned in 3 different stanzas. A quick glance reveals that over 15% of this song's lyrics are either the word "Girls" or the name of a strip club. This makes it relatively pointless to analyze as the message is fairly straight-forward and simplistic, but I'd like to ask you how insightful you would be if you needed a bottle of Jack every day just to feel right. Friday night and I need a fight My motorcycle and a switchblade knife Handful of grease in my hair feels right But what I need to make me tight are those Initially our artist seems to be content with merely stabbing someone after riding his motorcycle to make his Friday night a satisfactory one. He goes on to indicate that a handful of grease in his hair feels right, although it is unclear if anyone else would agree with that statement. Perhaps someone disagreed but got stabbed and then run over ...

Ok, so it has been a while here and I'm sorry about that but I haven't been all that inspired. Inspiration did strike, however, when I came across this article in the New York Times about a guy who was convicted of having sex with his dogs: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/06/02/us/AP-US-Sex-With-Animals.html?ref=global-home. Check your Facebook accounts to make sure you aren't friends with a Mr. Troy Whitson of Chehalis, Washington, and if you are, do not under any circumstances ask him to dog sit for you because, well, he will have sex with your dogs. Mr. Whitson, 21, is a huge Dave Matthews fan as well as a member of the "Furry" community, which are a group of people who enjoy dressing up as animals and getting together, possibly to discuss how they wish the other people there were real animals that they could maybe have sex with. Actually, I' m kidding because according to the Wikipedia article about Furries, or "Furry Fandom" only about 2% of them report an interest in Zoophilia, and the NYT article states this "is not part of their normal behavior". So, maybe they only hook up with animals on every other Tuesday or something like that.  Two of Whitson's ...

Let's say your car is a little old and isn't running that well. You've changed out a few parts over the years trying to make it better, but you kept the originals and now rather than buying a new car you decide put them back in to try and eke a few more miles out of it. On that note, the 4th installment of the Fast & Furious franchise debuted at the box office recently and took home $72.5 million in its first weekend which means Americans still are not learning from the recession and spending their money in productive ways. Here's what  I know, even though it is a movie I haven't seen- it is 106 minutes and apparently stars the  cast from the original Fast & Furious in 2001. The plotline has Vin Diesel's character Dominic returning to LA from Panama where he has been living/hiding out/telling everyone he is going to open up a Quizno's. He heads back to LA because every now and then someone mistakes him for Telly Savalas (thanks, Christopher) and let's him into a club for half the cover price. Oh yeah, and also cause his girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) has been murdered (maybe ...

Ok, this one has been a long time coming. By now you have all seen the TV commercials for the Snuggie™, and I can no longer remain silent about this product. Although this is filed under Reviews of Products I've Never Used, it's not entirely true because the Snuggie is actually just a  blanket (I know, it has sleeves) and I have used blankets on a daily basis my entire life, ones without sleeves, and I have never found the experience to be a frustrating or unpleasant one. The official Snuggie website (I can't believe I actually typed those four words) states the following: "Blankets are ok but they slip and slide, plus your hands are trapped inside." That rhymes just like Snuggie almost does with "Fugly". Why how very correct you are, poet-laureate worthy Snuggie marketing personnel and copy-writing team. Every time I use a blanket I think to myself "Holy shit-steaks, I can't get my hands out, they're trapped!" Wait, no I don't and further, I bet that never, ever, in the tens-of-thousands of years blankets have been around has anyone ever thought of their hands as being trapped inside one. I reject completely the assertion that blankets in ...

We here in America like to handle situations a certain way, which we can get away with because of our economic & military significance, but also cause we've invented a lot of great things like Chinese food, freedom, and condensation. Part of being an American (I'm pretty sure it's on the citizenship test) is finding someone to blame when shit goes really wrong because chances are no matter what it is, it's someone else's fault and not your own. Right now a lot of people are looking for who they can blame the recession on, and I'd love to find someone to blame here too because if I didn't, I would basically be a Canadian, and that would be un-American, although still pretty close to being American. There seem to be a lot of people whose names have been tossed in the ring to receive blame for the current little quagmire known as the US/global economy. Republicans still never fail to find a way to blame something on Bill Clinton even though he hasn't been in office for 8 years. I hope they get over their ex-girlfriends faster than they've gotten over Slick Willy, but but we all know his game ...

There are a few rules I live by. Among these, the publishable ones are: Never give money to homeless people because they don't go and spend it on a cool watch at the Paul Frank store as I instruct them to. Never trust women wearing hats (what are they hiding under there?) The possibilities of injury from products sold by Tony Little on the home shopping network are, from time to time, understated. Pineapple salsa is only acceptable to serve at a party that is >90% Caucasian. Similarly, serving it at a party that is >10% Mexican will result in a situation. Never date a girl who has more than 300 Facebook friends. It is this last rule that I would like to discuss in detail here, but I think it applies to both men & women of any orientation and those like Andy Dick who are still figuring it out. The point is, an effective way to filter out potential romantic interests is by eliminating those with more than 300 Facebook friends. Anyone with more than that is probably problematic. I don't know what it is, but I'm telling you this is a good rule to live by, and one you must instill in your ...

In this installment of "Songs Dissected", we will take a look at the song "Human". Now I know what you're thinking- "Human" by The Human League, a number 1 hit from 1986, however the song I am talking about is that song by The Killers which you hear on your favorite radio stations between songs by Kings of Leon. "Human" is catchy and a bona-fide hit, that also asks important questions about humanity related to dance. A considerable debate has apparently raged on the internet regarding the lyrics to this song, but I have gone with the general consensus that the chorus is "are we human, or are we dancer." Yes, "dancer", singular, don't ask me cause I don't know why. I did my best to notice When the call came down the line Up to the platform of surrender I was brought but I was kind So here we go. "Human" starts with the artist receiving a phone call, undoubtedly eating into his rollover minutes. The call results with him being brought up to the "platform of surrender", which some have described as a diving board with a French flag painted on it, but this cannot be confirmed. Apparently when he got there though, ...