This isn't the first scam email response I've done, and I'm also not the only one doing it, but responding to the scam emails I get is a favorite pastime of mine. Recently, a nice individual named Iruka Ogwugwu emailed me, and I encourage all of you to email him or her to discuss "exploiting the available investment opportunities" in your own country. -----Original Message----- From: Ogwugwu [mailto:irukaogwugwu@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, June 24, 2009 8:04 PM Subject: Your connection Hello, I am a chief consultant, I have some interested partners who want to invest in your countrys economy. As a matter of trust you are expected to guide us to exploit the available investment opportunities, we need your business knowledge and connections to invest in your country, can you handle it? I wait your response to provide you with more information. Mr Iruka Ogwugwu reply to iruogwugwu@gmail.com Hello Iruka, Thank you for your email. Yes, I am very interested in helping you invest in my country. Just so you know, I actually live in the country of Gorceylon. In case you haven't heard of it, it is a small island nation off the coast of Madrid and a former Burmese colony populated by Dutch ...

Although we all had some fun with the Nigerian Scam email response template, it is unfortunately not the only type of spam most of us receive. If you're like me, you get regular solicitations from exotic women in foreign lands only to find out that you aren't the only one. I compare the disappointment to Inspector Gadget's failure to ever put a face on Dr. Claw. I find it entertaining to write back to them nonetheless, so here's an email to my dear friend "S.B.", preceded by the text of her initial contact.     Privet, my friend   Give me a chance to become your Destiny, believe me that I can change your life, because I am Woman, I am passionate, I can give you love and care and you will forget about loneliness with me. You may wonder why such confident and pretty woman looks for her soul mate into matchmaking agency? The answer is very simple, I used to make the first step into relations and I want to do it now toward you. I noticed something special in your personality and it left me not indifferent. You are enigma for me and I am going to open your heart and to become a part ...

I have taken to writing back to the various Nigerian email scam emails I get from time to time, and some of you have seen the responses I have sent. Those responses may or may not be a little less politically correct than I am willing to go on the record with so I have created another email any of you are welcome to use to respond to the various spam mails you receive asking you for your assistance to help the widow of a former oil tycoon receive her money. Let me know if you have any suggestions on how to make this better by posting them in the comments section, and perhaps I'll write some other templates in the future. Dear (insert name of Nigerian scam artist), I am sorry to hear about your loss, but I would like to address the appalling rate at which the former heads of oil companies are dying off. It seems that 3, possibly 4 times a day, I receive news of another of these esteemed individuals passing away. Were they perhaps eating the oil, or using it as a syrup substitute on their pancakes? What kind of syrup do you like anyway, Kirkland? ...