You must have some sort of eye problem. Cataracts, glaucoma, or perhaps you have had your pupils dilated within the last few hours. Because, you see, you are wearing your sunglasses inside, Maverick, and it needs to stop. Your Oakleys are quite nice, and probably contributed $15.00 of commission to the high schooler working the Sunglass Hut afternoon shift when you purchased them. I’m sure they also effectively filter out sunlight when it is present. However, inside this building, there happens to be none. There is a bit of artificial light thanks to fluorescent or possibly incandescent fixtures, but it doesn’t seem to be bothering any of the other people in here except for you. Maybe your eyes are just sensitive, and you need them, or maybe you’re just a douchebag.

You know that song “Sunglasses at Night” by Corey Hart? The one where the video reflects a police state in which people are made to wear sunglasses at night? Well, I gotta believe he used this idea to exaggerate his message and highlight the ridiculousness of such a system. It’s funny how one person, in this case, Corey Hart, can look at a situation and use it as an extreme example of something undesirable, and you can take the same concept and apply it to your every day life with the message being completely lost on you. Basically, you are being clowned by Corey Hart, so good job with that, guy who wears his sunglasses indoors. Oh, and he’s French Canadian by the way.

Just like there’s no need to wear sunglasses at night, and in the absence of bona fide health reasons, there is no excuse to wear them inside unless you are one of the following:

• Participating in one of those televised poker tournaments
• Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix”
• Members of the band “Korn”
• Stevie Wonder
• Joe Camel

Even Joe Camel frequently appears without sunglasses on inside and he is a cartoon. That means an artist drawing a cartoon said to himself “Even a fictional cigarette-smoking camel surely wouldn’t wear his sunglasses indoors all the time”. The guys in “Korn”have probably done enough drugs to make Keith Richards look like a Mormon, but more importantly, they’re from Bakersfield, so they kind of have an excuse. Stevie Wonder and Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix” require no explanation unless you’re asking who Stevie really wrote “My Cherie Amour” about. Anyway, I think you get the picture here. Stop it, guy who wears his sunglasses indoors, I mean it.