As many of you  have read recently, a group of Somali pirates, or as the democrats would call them "disenfranchised coastal entrepreneurs" hijacked an arms-laden Ukrainian tanker, the Faina, off the coast of Somalia and have been attempting to ransom the crew. Sugule Ali, the pirates' spokesman and recent Liberty University graduate has repeatedly stated that they are very willing to negotiate an attractive price, noting that he had bought shares of Sirius XM Radio Inc. (Siri) near it's 52 week high of $3.94 and that he is just getting killed in the market right now. However, if suitable terms aren't reached soon he indicated he may post an ad under the "barter" section on Craigslist Mogadishu offering them up for their weight in Fruity Pebbles. It is surprising that on a tanker full of weapons sailing through waters notoriously plagued by pirate attacks, no one thought it would be appropriate to keep an RPG launcher or two handy just in case.  More surprising is the pirates' ability to seize the vessel because in  looking at it, it seems as though a bebe gun or medium-sized stones would have inflicted significant damage to their ships, which appear to be paddle boats ...

The Vodka Red Bull. A delicious mixture of stimulant and sedative, two things which we can all agree go together nicely when you want to do stupid things for as much of the night as possible. The drink tastes like candy and goes down like Barbara Walters once did for US Senators (and may still depending on what mood Diane Feinstein is in). However, as delicious and intoxicating as this lovely cocktail is, its price is far more than the $7.00 plus tip you leave on the bar. It also comes at the cost of being a douchebag. Now, let me take the opportunity to out myself on this and speak from experience. I have ordered these before because they taste good. I like them. It's as if God himself had crushed up some Starburst, mixed it with 7-Up and gently sprinkled the mixture down my throat. But, never, ever have I ordered one without thinking to myself "this makes me a douchebag." This is because somehow, the Vodka Red Bull is the John Cusack of cocktails. You know it, the bartender knows it, and the guy with his hat backwards wearing the Big Lebowski-themed t-shirt from Urban Outfitters drinking ...

In this segment, I will attempt to help you analyze the lyrical content of a song to unveil the symbolism and meaning contained within. In this installment: Ice Cube's "It was a good day" will be disected and explained for you. DavidGorcey.com Disclaimer: Some of the lyrics featured in this song are graphic, so those with more modest sensitivities should proceed with caution, although I have gone with the rather PG-lyrics as featured on the radio/MTV. Just wakin up in the mornin gotta thank God I don't know but today seems kinda odd No barkin from the dog, no smog And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog Here the artist reflects on the eerie sense of happiness he feels upon waking up, and his delight is enhanced by his mother's cooking of a breakfast that conforms to both Kosher and Halal culinary observances. I got my grub on, but didn't pig out Finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out Hooked it up for later as I hit the do' Thinkin will I live, another twenty-fo' The artist ate quite a bit, but thankfully not enough to result in discomfort, then received a call from a desirable young woman with whom he made plans, pondering whether ...

Dear guy at the gym who practices karate in front of the mirror, We haven't crossed paths in a while, but I know you're still out there. And I want you to knock it off, because I haven't forgotten about you. You're still occupying the fitness room at a 24-Hour Fitness when no classes are in session, and you're still ridiculous. Your Senor Frog's Ensenada souvenir tank top indicates that you are in your mid-forties, maybe older, and that makes your behavior all the more sad.