We here in America like to handle situations a certain way, which we can get away with because of our economic & military significance, but also cause we've invented a lot of great things like Chinese food, freedom, and condensation. Part of being an American (I'm pretty sure it's on the citizenship test) is finding someone to blame when shit goes really wrong because chances are no matter what it is, it's someone else's fault and not your own. Right now a lot of people are looking for who they can blame the recession on, and I'd love to find someone to blame here too because if I didn't, I would basically be a Canadian, and that would be un-American, although still pretty close to being American. There seem to be a lot of people whose names have been tossed in the ring to receive blame for the current little quagmire known as the US/global economy. Republicans still never fail to find a way to blame something on Bill Clinton even though he hasn't been in office for 8 years. I hope they get over their ex-girlfriends faster than they've gotten over Slick Willy, but but we all know his game ...

There are a few rules I live by. Among these, the publishable ones are: Never give money to homeless people because they don't go and spend it on a cool watch at the Paul Frank store as I instruct them to. Never trust women wearing hats (what are they hiding under there?) The possibilities of injury from products sold by Tony Little on the home shopping network are, from time to time, understated. Pineapple salsa is only acceptable to serve at a party that is >90% Caucasian. Similarly, serving it at a party that is >10% Mexican will result in a situation. Never date a girl who has more than 300 Facebook friends. It is this last rule that I would like to discuss in detail here, but I think it applies to both men & women of any orientation and those like Andy Dick who are still figuring it out. The point is, an effective way to filter out potential romantic interests is by eliminating those with more than 300 Facebook friends. Anyone with more than that is probably problematic. I don't know what it is, but I'm telling you this is a good rule to live by, and one you must instill in your ...

Sorry for the delay in posting here, but I have been traveling and observing, criticizing, and judging, if you will. What I have found is that it is not our differences that characterize the various cultures on this planet, but the similarities we all share with each other. As such, I discovered that one thing which indeed binds us all together is the uniform of choice for many a douche, and that is the clothing of the Ed Hardy line designed by Christian Audigier. You may know Christian Audigier from his previous line, Von Dutch which catered to the same demographic a few years ago and convinced people you could appear to own a motorcycle merely through the wearing of hats and t-shirts that said "Von Dutch" in a cursivey (you're right, it's not a word) font. Von Dutch is still around but then again Airwalk shoes are still around but you don't ever see them unless you visit Sears or Payless (no joke, Google it). He also has designed for the Affliction brand of MMA-inspired clothing which means the douchebag demographic is basically his bitch. The guy also has a nightclub at Treasure Island in Vegas where douchebags sometimes have ...

I know that you've probably already seen someone else clown this thing because it is just too hard to resist, and I can't either, but I figured I'd wait a little bit. I'm pretty sure you've seen the commercials for the Obama Historic Victory Plate or otherwise been informed of its existence. The designer of the site that sells the Obama Historic Victory Plate, a terrible piece of Ameri-crapa, not only took it upon him or herself to use black text on a blue background, they also designed it to auto-play the TV commercial without giving you the option to mute the sound. Granted, a 6-year-old in Bangladesh probably knocked this out in a half hour, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve some constructive criticism regarding their choice of color palettes and HTML abilities which parallels my desire to give that homeless guy with the cat that sits on top of the dog a handout in that it does not exist. Now I'm not sure if the plate features an actual picture of Barack Obama or if the plate features a picture of a wax statue of Barack Obama, but either way something seems a little off with the photo. Adorning ...

As many of you  have read recently, a group of Somali pirates, or as the democrats would call them "disenfranchised coastal entrepreneurs" hijacked an arms-laden Ukrainian tanker, the Faina, off the coast of Somalia and have been attempting to ransom the crew. Sugule Ali, the pirates' spokesman and recent Liberty University graduate has repeatedly stated that they are very willing to negotiate an attractive price, noting that he had bought shares of Sirius XM Radio Inc. (Siri) near it's 52 week high of $3.94 and that he is just getting killed in the market right now. However, if suitable terms aren't reached soon he indicated he may post an ad under the "barter" section on Craigslist Mogadishu offering them up for their weight in Fruity Pebbles. It is surprising that on a tanker full of weapons sailing through waters notoriously plagued by pirate attacks, no one thought it would be appropriate to keep an RPG launcher or two handy just in case.  More surprising is the pirates' ability to seize the vessel because in  looking at it, it seems as though a bebe gun or medium-sized stones would have inflicted significant damage to their ships, which appear to be paddle boats ...

I know it's been a couple weeks since I updated and it's because I have been covering New York Fashion Week 2008/my eyes for the blog. I only had time to catch some of the Menswear collections, but here are some of the trends I spotted from the runway... The first trend from New York Fashion week I'd like to alert discerning males to is  Nouveau-Huck Finn-Amish Chic, presented here by Ann Demuelemeester (who should start a Mr. Mister tribute band called Mr. Demeulemeester). The only people I know who could pull this off are the Quaker Oats guy after dating Michael Kors for a while or Anderson Cooper, who likes to cover flooding wearing no less than $2,000.00 of apparel, but at least these pants would be appropriate for that. The hat would still be a conversation piece, even for someone who just lost everything they owned to a natural disaster. The jacket is basically what would happen if the Men's Warehouse ate Mervyn's and then took a dump. Quite honestly, even though he is one of CNN's top personalities and part of the Vanderbilt family, I'm still not sure if Anderson Cooper could afford this entire outfit, although maybe there's ...

As many of you have probably already read, Starbucks outlets will begin offering $2 grande iced drinks after 2 p.m. to customers who show a receipt from an earlier purchase that same day. For some reason, this promotion has not been named "See you Latte-r", but that's their oversight. I think I read about this type of marketing strategy in a book that was required reading for me in college entitled "Pandering For Dummies." It is basically like heroin dealers offering a "buy one, get the next bag of equal or lesser value at half price while supplies last" on black tar, knowing full well that short term sacrifices will pay off long term through this thing Dr. Drew calls dependency when he counsels people that used to be familiar to us on VH1. It's not rocket science, but it's brilliant, especially because it throws a large middle finger at the law of diminishing returns, and I'm all about disrespecting economic theories with hand signs the way Dave Matthews disregards the concepts of successful music composition. You should be buying Starbucks shares right about now, and here's why: Starbucks doesn't have to do this forever, they only have to do ...