Let's say your car is a little old and isn't running that well. You've changed out a few parts over the years trying to make it better, but you kept the originals and now rather than buying a new car you decide put them back in to try and eke a few more miles out of it. On that note, the 4th installment of the Fast & Furious franchise debuted at the box office recently and took home $72.5 million in its first weekend which means Americans still are not learning from the recession and spending their money in productive ways. Here's what  I know, even though it is a movie I haven't seen- it is 106 minutes and apparently stars the  cast from the original Fast & Furious in 2001. The plotline has Vin Diesel's character Dominic returning to LA from Panama where he has been living/hiding out/telling everyone he is going to open up a Quizno's. He heads back to LA because every now and then someone mistakes him for Telly Savalas (thanks, Christopher) and let's him into a club for half the cover price. Oh yeah, and also cause his girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) has been murdered (maybe ...

Look, times are tough. Those of us that have jobs know we're lucky to not find ourselves doing things for money that might bring us shame like working, in any capacity, for either the Hallmark or Lifetime networks. Some people, however, are not as lucky, two of them being Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, for it could only have been a set of dire circumstances that would have led either of these two quality performers to take part in Four Christmases which is as unique as a fat person at Applebee's. As you probably have already guessed, Four Christmases (click here to watch the Four Christmases Trailer) is not about a hybrid of the single-day Christian tradition of Christmas with the multi-day Jewish holiday of Hannukah, although that would be kind of cool cause we'd get more time off. Here's the premise: a well-to-do, argumentative, childless, Whole Foods-shopping, BMW-driving, little dog-owning, The North Face-wearing (last 4 are conjecture) San Francisco couple decide to take a vacation to Fiji during Christmas as they normally do to avoid spending time with their families. Unfortunately, fog descends on San Francisco International Airport (I know, who would've guessed it, right?), and rather than waiting a ...

Now technically I'm not sure that this completely fits in the category of movies I haven't seen because I have seen it. So have you and everyone else in existence. It may have been called something else like Animal House, PCU, National Lampoon's Presents Van Wilder, Road Trip, Accepted, Old School, Revenge of the Nerds, or several American Pie movies. The plots may have varied slightly but the result was generally the same college movie basically implying that it would be a 4-year episode of Girls Gone Wild. Here's the actual summary of this film: a high school senior gets dumped by his girlfriend and is persuaded to attend college orientation with his good friends to help him forget about it. While at orientation, the group is recruited to pledge a fraternity where as luck would have it, they happen to meet some sorority girls. No way! Awesome! Over-zealous Frat bros become jealous of the pledges' success with females and as such take it out on them through severe hazing, but the friends have other ideas in mind and decide to play a big joke on them instead. Ohhhh snap! No you didn't! Here's a better summary of the film: ...

At first, you may be thinking "Hey, I didn't know American patriot and first governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, John Hancock, was black." But, no, my friends, the movie Hancock does not chronicle the life of this historical figure/molasses smuggler. That's probably ok cause if it were, it would air on the Hallmark Channel around July 4th or something and likely star Valerie Bertinelli as some sort of victim. The writers did, however, creatively give this character the exact same name because most people who will go see Hancock probably don't have a significant grasp on American history or discerning tastes. Hancock has a solid cast, starring Will Smith, Charlize Theron, and Jason Bateman's hair which also features Jason Bateman. No, it is not Jason Bateman's hair that is the superhero either, although I don't completely understand why not. Will Smith  plays the main character of John Hancock in this film that is narrowly classified  in the Action, Comedy, Drama, and Fantasy genres. Apparently the writers haven't met a cliche or a genre they didn't like. Here's the basics...John Hancock is a super hero who tries to generally do the right thing, but whose antics end up having unfortunate side effects. ...

Hey, I have an idea for a movie! Let's do something outside the box about two people who go to Vegas and end up drinking too much and getting married! Oh my god, think about how crazy that would be! AND...AND...since it it in Vegas, we can totally do something with the whole gambling angle where like they win some money together but don't know how to divide numbers by 2 so a judge has to settle it and he makes them stay together to work it out. THEN, they realize that they do like each other after all and they totally stay together cause love is awesome! Who would guess that they'd stay together when they like really don't get along at all at first!? The above is an appropriately condescending synopsis of What Happens in Vegas (watch the trailer here), starring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. Queen Latifa also makes an appearance, as does Dennis Miller, who plays the hilariously named "Judge Whopper". Get it? Whopper. Just like Judge Wapner? It's funny cause it sounds like an actual famous judge, but is really the name of a popular burger and candy, and judges don't have names reflective of ...

As the category name directly indicates, I will be reviewing movies in this section which I have not seen. Therefore, the chances are slim that there will ever be a positive review in this section, but hey, we'll see how it goes. Let's move on to my first entry in this category then, The Ruins (watch the trailer for The Ruins here), which finished 5th at the box office in its opening weekend and grossed a little over $8 million. That basically writes the review for me, but I will proceed nonetheless. The movie stars 5 people you've never heard of, and probably won't hear of again unless you're a CHP officer in Malibu in which case you'll be writing 4 of the 5 DUI's sometime within the next couple years. Here's a brief synopsis of the film: Four Americans vacationing in Mexico meet a German tourist that convinces them to join his search for his younger brother who was last seen near some ruins with his girlfriend. They get to the ruins and find a carnivorous vine growing in there which probably causes some problems, but also probably doesn't prevent the better looking cast members from being naked and getting it ...