Ok, this one has been a long time coming. By now you have all seen the TV commercials for the Snuggie™, and I can no longer remain silent about this product. Although this is filed under Reviews of Products I've Never Used, it's not entirely true because the Snuggie is actually just a  blanket (I know, it has sleeves) and I have used blankets on a daily basis my entire life, ones without sleeves, and I have never found the experience to be a frustrating or unpleasant one. The official Snuggie website (I can't believe I actually typed those four words) states the following: "Blankets are ok but they slip and slide, plus your hands are trapped inside." That rhymes just like Snuggie almost does with "Fugly". Why how very correct you are, poet-laureate worthy Snuggie marketing personnel and copy-writing team. Every time I use a blanket I think to myself "Holy shit-steaks, I can't get my hands out, they're trapped!" Wait, no I don't and further, I bet that never, ever, in the tens-of-thousands of years blankets have been around has anyone ever thought of their hands as being trapped inside one. I reject completely the assertion that blankets in ...

I know that you've probably already seen someone else clown this thing because it is just too hard to resist, and I can't either, but I figured I'd wait a little bit. I'm pretty sure you've seen the commercials for the Obama Historic Victory Plate or otherwise been informed of its existence. The designer of the site that sells the Obama Historic Victory Plate, a terrible piece of Ameri-crapa, not only took it upon him or herself to use black text on a blue background, they also designed it to auto-play the TV commercial without giving you the option to mute the sound. Granted, a 6-year-old in Bangladesh probably knocked this out in a half hour, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve some constructive criticism regarding their choice of color palettes and HTML abilities which parallels my desire to give that homeless guy with the cat that sits on top of the dog a handout in that it does not exist. Now I'm not sure if the plate features an actual picture of Barack Obama or if the plate features a picture of a wax statue of Barack Obama, but either way something seems a little off with the photo. Adorning ...

On Tuesday, September 2nd, Google will launch Chrome, a free downloadable open source web browser. I'm not sure why they chose the name "Chrome", but my guess is that it's because Google has actually managed to buy the entire element of Chromium and wishes to commemorate it with something better than the company-sponsored free drinks at Marie Callendar's that they usually throw when they acquire components of the periodic table. Like other web-browsers, Chrome will use multiple tabs to organize the different pages users have open, however the browser's technology will prevent one tab from crashing another and provide enhanced protection against attacks from rogue sites. Chrome will also utilize a more powerful JavaScript engine named "V8" which indicates Google will likely issue a press release on Wednesday in which, like Chromium, they will announce acquisition of all V8 engines & vegetable juices in existence, kind of like when Columbus claimed North America for Spain and no one really did anything about it. Face it, if Google shows up and demands your Nissan Armada and Bloody Mary supplies, you're basically going to have to hand them over. In addition, the browser features a privacy mode known as "Incognito" which prevents information ...

Although Apple products are the only two being reviewed in this blog by me so far (see review of the Mac Book Pro), I have nothing against them, I just enjoy poking fun at the articles that define the identity of some. At first I just thought they f-ed up and meant that they had made an IMAX movie about the iPhone in 3D, but apparently 3G stands for the 3rd generation of mobile phone standards and technology. iPhone 3G Features: 3G Technology GPS Mapping Supports Microsoft Exchange Built-in iPod Rich HTML email Pros: Although the iPhone 3G is used for the exact same functions, you can still tell yourself "at least i don't have a Blackberry" New search function enables you to type in your thoughts and reference them with New York Times articles/ commentary to make sure you're both still on the same page Thin enough to fit in overly thin pants Comes with a t-shirt that says "I am more or less Steve Jobs' prison bitch" PC-related podcasts are stored in new feature called "lieTunes". Not yet available in Europe (kind of like Mexican food) so you'll finally have a reason why you're glad you didn't just stay after you spent 6 months teaching English in Prague. Cons: Public cannot easily tell ...

Features: 1.6 or 1.8 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo Processor 2 GB RAM 80 GB Hard drive 13.3" LED Display Pros: Instantaneous admiration at most urban coffee shops Something to keep in those manila envelopes one doesn't know what to do with Means to convey coolness with something carrying a larger Apple logo than other Apple accessories Offers immediate sense of self-righteousness and pseudo-progressive outlook Projects aura of creativity whether or not one possess any Doubles as really cool/gaudy place mat Fits in back pocket without interfering with chain wallet Cons Takes a lot of them to build a fort Better for watching cartoon porn than regular porn Buying one equals fewer things to marvel at Apple store Macbook Air Jordans still delayed due to production issues Designed to reduce product lifetime by one day for every song played outside of indie rock genre Sense of pity felt & displayed for PC users becomes emotionally cumbersome