I learned today, with much joy and satisfaction that musical charlatans, and darlings of the tone-deaf everywhere, Dave Matthews Band has finally decided to call it quits. Some friends of mine in the entertainment industry notified me that a press release went out late last night announcing that the band would be parting ways, which was followed by a post on the band’s official blog.

“What would you say…if I told you we were finally calling it quits” quipped Boyd Tinsley, the band’s electric violin player humorously referencing one of the group’s hit songs. Personally, I’d say dreams really do come true.

The reasons given for the parting were somewhat ambiguous, but some online research revealed that Dave Matthews may be looking to devote more time to his charitable foundation, the Dave Matthews Freshwater Eel restoration project which aims to reintroduce the species to the protected wetlands in the band’s hometown of Charlottesville, Virginia. In addition, Matthews appears to be exploring smaller side projects including writing lyrics and music for 3 songs on an album with the Norteño act Los Rieleros Del Norte, and developing a series for the Lifetime television network slated to air in fall of 2008. Another source mentioned that he had signed on to voice the character of Carey Carrot in the Pixar film “The Vegetable Suffers Not” but this seems to be more questionable.
Drummer Carter Beauford indicated that the experience had been an “amazing ride” and said “it will be nice to finally spend some time fishing with Darius (Rucker from Hootie & the Blowfish)”.

Following the announcement a collective sigh was heard whimpering from the mouths of frat boys nationwide but this was quickly quelled by a girl handing out Jaegermeister tchotchkes, lots of talk about golf and agreement on the benefits of collectivism. They had a long career, based largely on the fact that marijuana isn’t that hard to get in this country, but at least, by the grace of God, there will be no more additions to their discogrophy of auditory transgression.