Sorry for the delay in posting here, but I have been traveling and observing, criticizing, and judging, if you will. What I have found is that it is not our differences that characterize the various cultures on this planet, but the similarities we all share with each other. As such, I discovered that one thing which indeed binds us all together is the uniform of choice for many a douche, and that is the clothing of the Ed Hardy line designed by Christian Audigier.

You may know Christian Audigier from his previous line, Von Dutch which catered to the same demographic a few years ago and convinced people you could appear to own a motorcycle merely through the wearing of hats and t-shirts that said “Von Dutch” in a cursivey (you’re right, it’s not a word) font. Von Dutch is still around but then again Airwalk shoes are still around but you don’t ever see them unless you visit Sears or Payless (no joke, Google it). He also has designed for the Affliction brand of MMA-inspired clothing which means the douchebag demographic is basically his bitch. The guy also has a nightclub at Treasure Island in Vegas where douchebags sometimes have parties for their 30th birthday. Basically, he doesn’t design clothing as much as he designs identities and makes them available for purchase. It’s like what Abercrombie & Fitch does for people who feel they aren’t white enough. Through Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier puts his dainty French arms around a douchebag in distress, squirts them with a little more Axe body spray, and says “It’s alright buddy, I got ya.”

Now don’t get me wrong, there is creativity in the designs Christian Audigier puts out in his vintage tattoo-themed Ed Hardy line, but what I’m saying is that wearing them increases one’s chances of being a douchebag. A douchebag who likely allocates their resources poorly, which is a little bit redundant, because you don’t become a douchebag by maxing out your 401K, you become one by purchasing $400 oversized Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on your credit card. Anyway, the point is Ed Hardy ain’t cheap from a  price perspective. It will take many douchebags several hours of working the door at a nightclub or behind the counter at their parents’ convenience store just to afford one of the $110 t-shirts. Douchebags with real jobs at places like Charles Schwab or Mrs. Field’s will have an easier time but will likely still need to allocate some of their bonuses to acquiring a complete Ed Hardy outfit which will include a hat with ornaments on it, and a loud, metal stud riddled belt. This makes it an aboslute pleasure to be behind someone wearing all this crap in the security line at the airport.

Your perspective might be different, but if you’ve spent time in Vegas, LA, or Melbourne, where Ed Hardy seems to be particularly prominent, I think you might have the same opinion. Maybe there is a direct correlation between sunlight and demand for Ed Hardy, I mean I haven’t been there lately, but I have a feeling the brand is doing swift business in Phoenix. I don’t see it selling out in Minneapolis unless Christian Audigier starts to design hockey pucks (let’s face it, he has the ability), although I do see it being quite profitable in New Jersey, whose residents are always willing to bear the cold in order to wear tight short sleeved shirts that reveal their tribal tattoos possibly incorporating a cross.

Business is all about finding a niche, and in that respect, Christian Audigier should be teaching MBA-level courses at Stanford cause he has it down. As long as he doesn’t start dressing them- times are tough and I don’t think Ralph Lauren can afford to take the hit.