Let’s say your car is a little old and isn’t running that well. You’ve changed out a few parts over the years trying to make it better, but you kept the originals and now rather than buying a new car you decide put them back in to try and eke a few more miles out of it. On that note, the 4th installment of the Fast & Furious franchise debuted at the box office recently and took home $72.5 million in its first weekend which means Americans still are not learning from the recession and spending their money in productive ways.

Here’s what  I know, even though it is a movie I haven’t seen- it is 106 minutes and apparently stars the  cast from the original Fast & Furious in 2001. The plotline has Vin Diesel’s character Dominic returning to LA from Panama where he has been living/hiding out/telling everyone he is going to open up a Quizno’s. He heads back to LA because every now and then someone mistakes him for Telly Savalas (thanks, Christopher) and let’s him into a club for half the cover price. Oh yeah, and also cause his girlfriend Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) has been murdered (maybe by Jared from Subway?). He ends up learning that a Mexican heroin smuggler is to blame and this individual is also being sought by Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker), his nemesis from the first Fast & Furious, who now works for the FBI.

I’m going to graze over the details because this movie is not about details, it’s about cars and bald people whose last names are synonymous with popular fuel mediums doing things that people in New Jersey or Southern California’s San Fernando Valley would find cool but no one else would give a shit about. Both Dominic and Brian enter into somewhat of a bromance and infiltrate the gang of the Mexican drug smuggler to pursue vengeance against their mutual enemy. From there, a lot of fast-driving occurs, sometimes through underground tunnels, by what I suspect are heavily tattooed individuals who work out a lot, use profanity, and also probably some scenes involving hot girls and likely some firearms. Like water  to all lifeforms, these elements must be present for anyVin Diesel movie to exist, and he is currently working on his own screenplay entitled “Tats, Gats, Lats, & Chicks That Aren’t Fat.” I can’t fully confirm this cause I haven’t seen it, but it would surprise me if I was wrong either about this or anything else.

Eventually, Dominic and Brian end up back in the states after capturing the leader of the heroin gang that was also responsible for Letty’s death, having driven over the speed limit for much, if not all, of the journey. When they get back to the US, the FBI arrests both the heroin gang leader and Dominic because of his previous criminal activity including hijacking fuel tankers on the highways of the Dominican Republic and operating a taco stand, “Nachos Del Diesel”, without a business license. Despite the efforts of Brian who lobbies on his behalf, Dominic is sentenced to 25 years in prison.

The movie ends with agent Brian O’Connor, his girlfirend who also happens to be Dominic’s sister, and a couple of their fellow contributors to society racing towards the bus carrying Dominic to serve his prison sentence at the California state penitentiary in Lompoc. In case you haven’t been to Lompoc, the penitentiary there is probably the nicest place you can find yourself within the city limits, but I think the implication is that the crew is going to rescue Dominic before someone gets Fast and Furious on his butthole in Cellblock D.