On Tuesday, September 2nd, Google will launch Chrome, a free downloadable open source web browser. I’m not sure why they chose the name “Chrome”, but my guess is that it’s because Google has actually managed to buy the entire element of Chromium and wishes to commemorate it with something better than the company-sponsored free drinks at Marie Callendar’s that they usually throw when they acquire components of the periodic table.

Like other web-browsers, Chrome will use multiple tabs to organize the different pages users have open, however the browser’s technology will prevent one tab from crashing another and provide enhanced protection against attacks from rogue sites. Chrome will also utilize a more powerful JavaScript engine named “V8″ which indicates Google will likely issue a press release on Wednesday in which, like Chromium, they will announce acquisition of all V8 engines & vegetable juices in existence, kind of like when Columbus claimed North America for Spain and no one really did anything about it. Face it, if Google shows up and demands your Nissan Armada and Bloody Mary supplies, you’re basically going to have to hand them over. In addition, the browser features a privacy mode known as “Incognito” which prevents information about that user’s browsing from being collected, but eerily reminds them of the bad cologne they got from their aunt on Christmas.

At this point, Chrome will only run on windows platforms, however a Mac and Linux version of the browser are in development mostly so that those users will shut the hell up already. Some hail the move as an important step in the effort to wrest control of web browsing from Microsoft, who still controls about 73% of the browser market according to a New York Times article citing the research firm Net Applications.  What normal people realize is that this is also an important step in the efforts of one monopoly to supplant another and I’m really hoping Google doesn’t take this blog post seriously or else SEO will mean “Search Engine Ostracization” (I think it’s mine, but some smart ass out there will write me claiming they made it up first) for davidgorcey.com.