The draw for the 2010 World Cup, taking place in South Africa, was released recently, so please wake me up when the first riots of the 2010 World Cup happen. Until then, I probably won’t care much about it because my ignorance and apathy towards the world’s most popular sport is what makes me an American. I tell you what though, when people start trashing neighborhoods and setting cars on fire because their country lost, maybe to another country whose king insulted theirs 220 years ago, I start paying attention. I like how the draw for the World Cup comes out 6 months prior to the actual event so each country can fine tune their nationalism and forgotten hatred of other countries for a half year to prepare.

Americans are a little more detached on the World Cup because international competitions like that aren’t the typical catalysts for violence here. We have real reasons like taxes on tea, and faulty intelligence. But for the rest of the world, Soccer is as good a reason as any to tear some shit up, even when it’s your own shit. Every four years, people get the chance to root for their country in the World Cup, and when their country loses, it’s as if the winning country took a dump on their flag and said their leader’s mom drools more than Michael Jackson at a Gymboree. Next thing you know, windows are getting broken, tires are on fire in the middle of the street, and the police on hand are lamenting the irony of the fact that they have guns, but still have to shield themselves from people throwing rocks. At that point they probably think to themselves that they should have just become an insurance adjuster like their uncle did but then quickly discredit that thought because really, who would ever want that?

I’m sure there’s a lot of psychology behind why World Cup soccer is such a flashpoint for people. Your country’s pride on the line, the spirit of international competition, blah blah blah. What I know is that World Cup riots are unfortunate, but entertaining like MTV’s “Jersey Shore”. Apparently, the perspective of  “well, we should regroup, and think about the changes we should make for next time” is lost on many World Cup fans when their country loses. As such, these individuals are unlikely to be successful executives or elected to higher office because of their lack of long term vision, but they may find employment somewhere in Dubai’s financial sector.

Just on a side note, people also get pretty riled up in certain parts of the world over Cricket, which also has its own World Cup. In case you didn’t know, Cricket is a sport that the British left in many of their colonies as sort of an “F-you” to them along with colonial architecture. The last time I got fired up over something involving people wearing white sweaters like Cricket players do, I was half a bottle of Jack deep and in a J.Crew outlet for reasons that are still unclear to me. But, anyway, any sport where people can wear sweaters while playing should not under any circumstances inspire people to commit violence. I mean seriously, how is that even possible?

For the record, soccer violence is nothing new as the first recorded instance of soccer hooliganism dates back to the middle ages in England. England even has a “National Football Intelligence Unit” (NFIU) to track hooligans, who should consider hiring themselves out to countries that lack individuals willing to commit violence over Soccer like the U.S. (you too, Canada, you guys didn’t qualify this time around, but hey, you’ll always have lumber). I think Blackwater Industries held the previous contract for this, however it has been opened to competitive bidding again with the exit of the Bush Administration. Either way, I’ll be pretty ambivalent towards the World Cup, which is also what I have planned for the Winter Olympics, until the real fun starts and people become irrational in cities across the globe.