Do you own an ad agency? If so, I know a company that needs your services. Their name is AT&T Wireless and they’re the ones who offer that neat iPhone in case you haven’t heard of them. It’s not that they don’t have an agency, it’s just that they desperately need one that doesn’t create bad campaigns.

“Why is that, David?”, you may be asking. Well, you see, a good company would never have created these terrible, terrible ads where someone describes all the places they use their phone, combining the names of said cities together in the end to create one word. For example, one of the most recent ads has someone stating that they use their phone to call places like Philadelphia, Delaware, Prague, and Chicago combining these cities into the word “Philawarepragueicago.” You thought “Margaritaville” was silly, but Jimmy Buffet looks like Socrates compared to the individual who 1) came up with this nonsense and 2) the individual at AT&T who said “Yeah! That’s what we want, some retards naming cities and then combining into some stupid word at the end!” Philawarepragueicagotohell, AT&T.

Nevermind that I have actually used my AT&T phone in Prague, and that they’re happy to let you make calls for $3.00 a minute thereby negating most people’s usage of it there anyway. The most unfortunate aspect of this ridiculous campaign is that Wes Anderson is directing the commercials. I happen to like some of Wes Anderson’s films (like The Royal Tennenbaums (2001), and Rushmore (1998) ), but if I were someone of his stature and a I read a script that had the word Philawarepragueicago in it, I would have laughed to myself and then told them to get Urkel to direct it and left the room. I’m tough like that, and I find that referencing nerdy characters from 90′s sitcom’s really drives home my point.

I hate this campaign, and I know I’m not alone out there. The only way it could be worse is if they were all set to a soundtrack composed and performed by The Dave Matthews Band. The campaign also includes billboards, buses, and possibly radio although I wouldn’t know about radio because I have Sirius and I love it precisely because they filter out things like this for me. The only other thing I can put in this category right now is that terrible Geico gecko with that phony British accent, but they kind of evened themselves out with those great Cavemen spots. AT&T should do a spot with cavemen talking on their cellphones in caves grunting and shouting, but having a great conversation because of the extraordinary wireless service. Then I might not have to throw the remote every time one of their commercials comes on.