Although Apple products are the only two being reviewed in this blog by me so far (see review of the Mac Book Pro), I have nothing against them, I just enjoy poking fun at the articles that define the identity of some. At first I just thought they f-ed up and meant that they had made an IMAX movie about the iPhone in 3D, but apparently 3G stands for the 3rd generation of mobile phone standards and technology.

iPhone 3G Features:

• 3G Technology
• GPS Mapping
• Supports Microsoft Exchange
• Built-in iPod
• Rich HTML email

Pros:

• Although the iPhone 3G is used for the exact same functions, you can still tell yourself “at least i don’t have a Blackberry”
• New search function enables you to type in your thoughts and reference them with New York Times articles/ commentary to make sure you’re both still on the same page
• Thin enough to fit in overly thin pants
• Comes with a t-shirt that says “I am more or less Steve Jobs’ prison bitch”
• PC-related podcasts are stored in new feature called “lieTunes”.
• Not yet available in Europe (kind of like Mexican food) so you’ll finally have a reason why you’re glad you didn’t just stay after you spent 6 months teaching English in Prague.

Cons:

• Public cannot easily tell which version you have just by looking at it so you may want to download the application which projects “it’s the new one!!!” onto the nearest wall for you
• Still doesn’t take video so you’re not going to be the first one to upload a cool clip from the Obama rally
• Incessantly tries to hump your iPod (though ironically for a phone, never calls it the day after). The resulting inbreds known as “iPhods” typically languish in orphanages for unwanted products known by the more popular parlance of “Sharper Image”
• iPhone 3G is neither grass-fed nor organic
• Functions poorly as ninja-star and strangely as codpiece
• Having Safari as a web-browser is like having a VCR hooked up to a 46″wall-mounted plasma screen