It’s been a little while since we took an analytical look at one of the defining anthems of our day. Axl is now busy on “Chinese Democracy” because apparently he was too high to witness Tian An Men square back in the day so he thinks the concept has legs. Remember Axl, just because they have adopted some free market economic policies does not mean they are close to being a constitutional republic. I am not nominating Axl for Vice President as he is no Christopher Cross, my friends, but I do admire his ability to write songs that drunk girls put on jukeboxes along with  “Don’t Stop Believing” and  “Sweet Caroline”.

[Chorus: x2]

Take me down
To the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Take me home

We begin with declarations by the artists that they desire to be taken to the Paradise City. This is quite an ambiguous request as this location is either metaphorical or possibly referring to some of the many cities known to be actually named “Paradise”. There is no available data on the quality of grass or aesthetic appearance of women in these cities, however, so it is impossible to know for sure. The desire for green grass which indicates favorable nitrogen levels in soil coupled with the fact that the band’s name involves roses indicates a strong inclination towards quality landscaping.

Just a’ urchin
livin’ under the street
I’m a hard case
that’s tough to beat
I’m your charity case
So buy me somethin’ to eat
I’ll pay you at another time
Take it to the end of the line

The artist fancies himself an urchin, displaying ignorance by indicating that as a water-borne animal, his existence might somehow be under a street like a mole or a worm. This is simply impossible. The urchin comparison is quickly eschewed for cases, both criminal and charity which the artist somehow parlays into requests for food. Much like the character Wimpy in Popeye who “will gladly repay you Tuesday for a Hamburger today”, the artist has no intention of immediately repaying such gratitude telling whomever might purchase him this free meal that they are basically to get at the end of the line presumably behind his many creditors. There is no connection between these assertions and the trip to the mythical city of Paradise they have expressed interest in.

Ragz to richez or so they say
Ya gotta-keep pushin’
for the fortune and fame
It’s all a gamble
When it’s just a game
Ya treat it like a capital crime
Everybody’s doin’ their time

Here we see this ode turn to the American spirit, and the idealism of pulling oneself up by their boot strings to achieve fortune. This celebration of the individual knows no greater patron than Axl Rose. Or perhaps it is a shout out to the short lived 80’s sitcom “Rags to Riches.” Seeking to inspire listeners the artist urges them to keep pushing for fortune and fame, noting, however, that such pursuits are a risky gamble which he may or may not have deduced through event chain methodology. Finally, it is pointed out that society may at times scorn the quest for success, treating it as a “capital” crime, however the line “everybody’s doing their time” wittily makes the point that everyone is out for fortune and fame and is therefore guilty of this same crime.

[Chorus:]

Strapped in the chair
of the city’s gas chamber
Why I’m here I can’t quite remember
The surgeon general says
it’s hazardous to breathe
I’d have another cigarette
but I can’t see
Tell me who you’re gonna believe

Here we see the artists highlight the negative aspects of their current location in an attempt to further justify their journey to the Paradise city. Undoubtedly referring to the high smog levels present in the Los Angeles, California area during the 1980’s, they describe the environment like a gas chamber causing them to reflect on why they indeed remain in such an undesirable environment at all. The city’s proximity to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Universal Studios and Medieval Times may have been what made it worthwhile, but the true reason is not specifically stated.

Further, as patrons of overall respiratory health issues, Guns N’Roses draw our attention to a paradoxical situation. The surgeon general had warned that it is hazardous to breathe the air much like he had warned not to smoke cigarettes. The irony of the situation that Guns N’Roses points out is that in such circumstances one might as well smoke because either way, your respiratory health is compromised and they implore listeners not to believe any medical authorities that recommend against breathing. Though they describe the situation mockingly, their inability to see their own cigarettes through the LA smog might have actually prolonged their lives because smoking only worsens the effects of poor air quality.

[Chorus]

So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

Here we get our first indication of where the Paradise City may be as it is described as far from Guns N’Roses’ home base of Los Angeles. Within reason, we can deduce that it is likely at least as far away as Long Beach though certainly the repetition of the phrase four times means that somewhere much farther like Santa Clarita would not be out of the question because with traffic that could be like a couple hours.

Captain America’s been torn apart
Now he’s a court jester
with a broken heart
He said-
Turn me around and
take me back to the start
I must be losin’ my mind-
“Are you blind?”
I’ve seen it all a million times

The last stanza may be metaphorical, using the disenchantment of an American icon to highlight the song’s theme which has to do with the hypocrisy the artists perceive in their surroundings. It seems likely then that in the Paradise City where lawns are healthy, women are beautiful, and smog is not likely present, hypocrisy is also less plentiful than in other cities.

However, in pursuing a more literal interpretation of this last stanza, I was unable to find any official record that Captain America ever became a dismembered, single, court-jester. It is possible though, particularly if he got into it with Captain Caveman or worse yet, Captain and Tennile. I did uncover evidence that he may have been involved romantically with his northern counterpart Captain Modest Mounty of Canada who’d himself recently suffered an “Arrrr”-duos breakup with Captian Crunch but I’ll stick to the story the way I understand it which is that during the 80’s, Captain America was getting busy with the girl from “My Two Dads” though maybe Axl knows something that we don’t cause he probably hooked up with her too.