I am coining this word, so when it makes its way into the English vernacular, you can say, “I know who invented that word” and you can make sure those people pay me my royalties. The word will come to define those who like to think of themselves as cultured and sophisticated when in fact they are no better than anyone else, and I will elaborate further down in this post…
Recently, I was asked by someone about what really makes me mad. The list could go on, but here’s 10 that come to mind:
- The Dave Matthews Band
- Any type of live-action war re-enactment
- Cats (allergic)
- People who bring their dogs places they don’t belong like to work or inside bars
- Fat people
- The religious right
- The prevalence of peanuts in American cuisine (allergic)
- Any song sung in Finnish (sorry guys, but come on…)
- Burritos that break apart at the bottom so that all the stuff falls out and I have to eat it with a fork.
- Pretty much anyone wearing a cowboy hat.
That was cathartic. I recommend you all make a list of things that make you mad and either post it in the comments or email it to people because you’ll feel better afterwards. I came across something else that gravely irritates me earlier this week as I waited for an early morning flight to board out of San Francisco International Airport (SFO) though. No, it wasn’t the loud group of Chinese tourists who sought fit to sit next to me and speak very, very loudly at 5 am while munching away on an array of food that would make Trader Joe’s envious. It was the fact that I was sitting in a location that is at the forefront of internet and network technology, and yet, I was paying $10.00 to connect to web.
This would not have been so bad if I had not had a trip that took me through Jacksonville International Airport (Florida) where I found free internet access, and where I now write this from. Keep in mind, Jacksonville is at the forefront of nothing. The baptist church apparently owns half the town, and at the gate for my flight, there is one large conversation going on about the Florida vs. Alabama football game this weekend among complete strangers. The people are friendly though, and aesthetically it’s a nice city because it sits on the water. Why is it that a city most people in San Francisco would laugh at and turn their nose up on can provide people traveling to, from, or through their city with free internet access from anywhere in the terminal, and San Francisco cannot?
The mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom (obligatory pun: I wish he Newsomething useful) loves to brand himself and put his name on everything. When you go to pick up your bags at SFO, there are signs on the baggage claim that say “Mayor Gavin Newsom welcomes you to San Francisco”. The guy is working on a cult of personality, and I hear he is a third cousin twice removed of Kim Jong Il, possibly an adopted son of Saddam Hussein and nephew to Fidel Castro. It really is a small world. Or maybe he’s just a rich white yuppie. Anyway, since he likes to put his name on everything, I think when that Tmobile screen comes on as you attempt to launch your web browser at SFO, there should be a tagline that says “Mayor Gavin Newsom invites you to pay $10.00 for something that even rednecks give out for free”. He may drink Bordeaux, and they may drink Bud Light, but Jacksonville has one-upped him and all of San Francisco by facilitating easy, free access to the technology so many of us depend on every day. So to the list I will add:
11. People/cities who fancy themselves enlightened and sophisticated, when in fact they provide less access to technology than rednecks (pseudophisticates).
Not that I really care as it seems likely that someone might have come up with it already, but I’ll check up on this,and have posted this comment anyway as I feel that comments, unless utterly retarded, obscene, or spam should generally be posted on blogs. At the time, I googled the phrase and came up with nothing, so there was no indication that it had been used already. For the record, the link provided goes nowhere and there is no record of this word anywhere on wiktionary or wikipedia.
Actually, I hate to break this to you, but I coined the term “pseudophistication” in JUNE of 2007. I came up with it in relation to an article in Esquire that a Slate.com writer dubbed the “worst celebrity profile ever.” http://www.slate.com/id/2168707/ And I have infallible gmail chat logs to prove it. I even added it to Wiktionary, but it was subsequently removed for lack of reliable citations. Here is an excerpt from a gmail chat with a friend dated June 22, 2007:
10:00 AM i just told ben and david Pseudophistication
Ben was like “Quick! Put that on Wikipedia NOW!”
(so i get credit)
And another from an AIM chat with a co-worker dated June 27, 2007:
[16:57] Co-worker: Did you put that one phrase on wiki?
[16:57] Co-worker: For that crap article?
[16:58] me on AIM: not yet
[16:59] me on AIM: I’m going to use “unprintable” whenever i remember instead of swears. You unprintable blank.
[16:59] Co-worker: hehe
[16:59] Co-worker: Do it!
[16:59] Co-worker: NOW.
[17:00] me on AIM: i don’t think ihave an account
[17:11] me on AIM: ok i’m creating a wikipedia stub and then bouncing the hell outta here
[17:11] Co-worker: *shrug* Guess I’m doing the same.
[17:11] Co-worker: It’s an early day!
[17:11] Co-worker: YAY!
[17:18] me on AIM: i have to provide a verifiable reference where i heard/saw the word in use
[17:19] Co-worker: I could use it on [co-worker’s blog] in the next article I write.
[17:20] me on AIM: ok
[17:20] me on AIM: meanwhile it might get removed from wiktionary though
[17:21] Co-worker: Well then wait until I use it.
[17:21] me on AIM: too late
[17:22] Co-worker: Do you have the link?
[17:22] me on AIM: (Link: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Pseudophistication#Noun)http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Pseudophistication#Noun
[17:23] me on AIM: i’m awesome
[17:29] Co-worker: Awesome.
[17:29] Co-worker: I’m going home.
[17:30] me on AIM: cya
Session Close (Co-worker): Wed Jun 27 17:33:55 2007
I think this proves indisputably that I am the coiner of the word “pseudophistication.” However, I will credit you with the zeitgeist, having come up with it independently, albeit three months later… Perhaps great minds think alike.
I think you’re missing the point about Gavin. He’s got GREAT hair…and he’s also a progressive politician with GREAT Hair.
Dustin,
You’re right, I should have clarified my dislike of fat people in that I hate it when people have become that way through their own bad habits and have no desire to change their lives for the better by eating less food and healthier doses of it…
Wow, David, I’m a little shocked that fat people actually make you angry. Disgust with obesity,okay, shame for our culture and what we let marketing lead us to, sure, but actual anger. Speaking as a semi-recovered fat guy I’m a little disappointed. My guess is that you have never really struggled with your weight at all. In the time I’ve known you, you have sometimes workedout, and sometimes not, but never seemed out of shape or like you were gaining weight. I’m not saying obesity is unavoidable, but some of us struggle more than others and you could stand to be a little more tolerant of people with problems you are lucky enough not to have. All that being said, when I travel to the mid-west, the average girth of the population makes me sick to my stomach. This is what wealth and the marketing of the food industry have brought us.
So, here’s my 10 things that make me angry:
1 People who don’t take personal responsiblity for themselves and their lives.
2 People who will listen to any music or speaker, watch any TV show or movie, and eat at any fast food joint because it’s cheap. Garafolo said it best “Eye hole, ear hole, mouth hole; i don’t care i take what ever they’re putting out”. Makes me nuts.
3 The complete lack of phone ettiquite that cell phones have brought to the world.
4 Poor grammar and punctuation, even my own.
5 When my room mate doesn’t wash his dishes and waits for me to ask him to do it.
6 When the Lakers don’t play up to their potential; I know theyr’e not great right now, but they can play better than they do sometimes. Frustrates me to no end when they don’t get defensive rebounds.
7 The lack of TIVO in the cheap hotels I have to stay at when traveling for the company.
8 When all these HOs won’t back up off a me.
9 Republicans, and democrats, politicians in general. You have to remember that any one who made it to the national level of politics sold their soul so long ago they don’t remember who it was sold to or what they got for it, it’s just gone.
10 The TV show COPS. It shows people in their weakest, darkest, most shameful moments while they are being pushed around by an officer (usually verbally, or emotional) all for the profit of the producers. Humans with any compassion should be ashamed it remains onthe air.
So there’s my 10. Go ahead and scruitinize the grammar and punctuation, I already know you are. And Davey my boy you were right, I do feel better.