At first, you may be thinking “Hey, I didn’t know American patriot and first governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, John Hancock, was black.” But, no, my friends, the movie Hancock does not chronicle the life of this historical figure/molasses smuggler. That’s probably ok cause if it were, it would air on the Hallmark Channel around July 4th or something and likely star Valerie Bertinelli as some sort of victim. The writers did, however, creatively give this character the exact same name because most people who will go see Hancock probably don’t have a significant grasp on American history or discerning tastes.
Hancock has a solid cast, starring Will Smith, Charlize Theron, and Jason Bateman’s hair which also features Jason Bateman. No, it is not Jason Bateman’s hair that is the superhero either, although I don’t completely understand why not. Will Smith  plays the main character of John Hancock in this film that is narrowly classified  in the Action, Comedy, Drama, and Fantasy genres. Apparently the writers haven’t met a cliche or a genre they didn’t like.

Here’s the basics…John Hancock is a super hero who tries to generally do the right thing, but whose antics end up having unfortunate side effects. He’s not the typical comic book superhero in that respect because those guys were always perfect, except for the ones that had ambiguous young male sidekicks in short shorts which no one questioned for some reason. I have not seen this movie, but from what I understand, Jason Bateman is not the ambiguous young male sidekick in short shorts to Hancock. At least he better not be cause then my opinion of his work on “The Hogan Family” will be adversely influenced.

Hancock seems to be applying his talents in a place that really needs the help. No, not embattled regions like Darfur, Iraq, or the strongholds of the Colombian rebel group FARC. Why would a superhero waste his time in places where the chicks are less plentiful and less hot? That would be un-American. Hancock is instead operating at large on the streets of Los Angeles where it’s like way easier to be a superhero if you know the right doctor. One day, Hancock saves Jason Bateman’s character, Ray Embrey (probably got called “Ray Embryo” in school), a busy PR executive. Busy PR executives in LA??? Why, how do they ever come up with such creative roles for these characters? Perhaps the sequel shall feature stock brokers from New York? Maybe ranchers in Texas? The oil fueling these creative fires must be enough to make OPEC  crap in their petroleum-exporting tighty-whiteys. Brilliant I tell you!!!

Upon saving Mr. Embrey, the two strike up a friendship at which time the softer, vulnerable side of Hancock is revealed. Awwwwwww. Wait, he’s a superhero with a human side too? What else could possibly be different about this enigmatic figure? He wears a beanie too? No way, man, that’s awesome cause beanies make a lot of sense in warm places like LA and they also make you tough, and a superhero would definitely need apparel to convey that!!! Capes and masks are so overdone, I mean that would have been totally obvious which doesn’t play in an engaging film like this. The complex twists add a variety of new elements to the film giving audiences the chance to connect with a figure that otherwise seems too obscure to find common ground with. But wait…Mr. Embrey’s hot wife played by Charlize Theron is skeptical of Hancock’s ability to change his well-intentioned but destructive ways. Uh-oh, I think there’s some arguments a-brewin’ there! Hope they don’t talk politics, haha! Throwing whales into the ocean will be nothing compared to overcoming such obstacles of the human experience. I have a feeling in the end, everything works out though.

It’s a lot to digest, I know. Such unique and cerebral plot lines are probably something that people without multiple advanced degrees from Ivy League institutions should steer clear of lest their true significance and meaning go un-pondered. Or you could take the introductory English class at your local junior college and obtain the skills to write a more creative, influential piece than Hancock even if it is a 30-second animated short about gravel. That, I at least might watch.

I give Hancock a -178 on my scale of infinity to infinity because I see nothing in it that hasn’t already been done, even if I really do like the people in the cast. One of the taglines is “There are heroes, there are superheroes, then there’s Hancock.” Well, there are movies, there are movies you might watch if you are in an Albanian hotel room and haven’t heard a word of English in three weeks, and then there’s Hancock.

Click here to watch the Hancock movie trailier