Before After

The desire for great looks and a chiseled physique is one that drives many of us. Some people pursue the ideal body through a high protein diet and rigorous exercise routines designed to shock the muscles and stimulate growth in their upper bodies. My friends, I have tried this and it is extremely inconvenient, at times painful, and often results in the nuisance of sweating and becoming tired. This is no way to live.

So, I have come up with a guaranteed system deciphered from a mysterious code to give you the upper body you want without stepping foot in a gym to suffer the inconvenience, nay, the indignity of having to remove your iPod headphones because someone is asking to “work in” with you. Get ready, and follow the steps below:

1. Go to your closet and select any shirt you might normally wear around town.
2. Find the square shaped fabric protruding from the inner backside where you will see a large letter.
3. This is where I reveal the code decryption and secret to massive muscle gains. Review this legend and remember the new code that applies to you…
   1. If your shirts says XL – your new code is “M”
   2. If your shirt says L – your new code is”S”
   3. If your shirt says M – your new code is “boys large”
   4. If your shirt says S – your new code is “boys medium”
4. Got your new code memorized? Good, get to the nearest store and purchase a shirt with your new code on it to complete the process. The results will amaze you.

The secrets of this system have been known in Europe for years, where it has even transcended the upper body and gone on to encompass pants as well. Keep in mind that if you can fit a finger between your arm, and where the shirt touches it, you have not used the right code, and you need to go one level down for maximum results.

Unfortunately, there is one possible side effect of this known as hypo-circulatory psychosis. This condition causes fits of rage and uncontrollable aggression due to the imbalance of circulation throughout the upper body. The problem is exacerbated by decreased respiratory function due to the constriction of the ribcage, preventing the lungs from filling with air all the way. The afflicted typically seek bigger and bigger muscle gains through smaller and smaller shirts, often spending thousands of dollars in a single trip to GAP Kids. It is unfortunate, and affects approximately 60% of users.

Nonetheless, I have attached before and after photos with one of the program’s adherents, so you can judge the results for yourself, the photos don’t lie, people. Get used to people coming up and asking “What’s your secret”, surveillance from federal authorities, and lots of phone calls from professional baseball players because they will all assume that you’re on “the juice.”