Not that I always need to be negative, but some of you seem to like it when I go off on stuff that irritates me which seems to happen more often than it probably should. So, here’s some more where that came from…..I went to college and got a business degree like some of you. This means that I know precious little about anything. What I do know is that if you bother to invent a product and bring it to market, you should really go to the trouble of making sure that you have it all together.

This week, a good friend reminded me of something known as the “Universal Square”, which does not meet this criteria. I will not disclose how I came across this product previously, but the “Universal Square” is some sort of carpentry tool which may actually have some viable uses, but their website is so bush-league it begs for some sarcastic, critical attention.

Forget the fact that it is not so much a square as it is T-shaped. The website give me the impression that this thing sucks for the following reasons:

1. On the right hand side there is a link reading “It’s many uses”. Ok, a HUGE problem because they, like many people do not know the correct abbreviation of “it’s”. “It’s” means “It is”. “Its” means possessive. I know this is confusing because the apostrophe generally denotes possession, but seriously, if you’re going to sell your product on a website, give it a good once over for correct grammar. Granted, most construction workers aren’t going to catch this, but still.
2. The bottom of the website features a variety of stupid-ass quotes that change when you refresh the site. Sometimes it’s the award-winning tagline “The best thing to happen to a toolbox since a hammer”. This makes me wonder “Oh, is it a screwdriver then?” Also featured is the line “A new type of ‘Power’ tool”. This doesn’t even make sense. It’s a piece of Aluminum….I’ve seen more power in customer service surveys by JD Power and Associates.
3. The name of the company is “D-Unique Tools”. It seems that a more appropriate name would be “D-Unique Fools” or “D-U-Need-Not-Bother”.
4. Also featured on the site is a link that says “The Tool” which should be a picture of the person who is in charge of marketing. Enigmatically, this link just redirects you to the homepage in a profound exercise in html tomfoolery.
5. The homepage also features the following text:
   “There is always a need for building, and a need to save time and maximize the efficiency of the building efforts. The potential of this tool is analogous to moving from the typewriter to the computer age, from the propeller to the jet age, and from the jet age to the space age.”
   Umm, yes, I suppose there is always a need for building, thank you for enlightening me with this esoteric notion. It would take too long to pick the paragraph apart piece-by-piece, but there are three-toed beggars in Laos that could have put together a more articulate description than this.

All I’m saying is if you’re gonna market a product, just do it right and have someone other than your neighbor’s kid who got a B- in English 1 at junior college do some copy writing for you. Maybe you guys can add to fun with this thing in the comments section cause I’m pretty much out now….
http://universalsquare.com/