Hey, I have an idea for a movie! Let’s do something outside the box about two people who go to Vegas and end up drinking too much and getting married! Oh my god, think about how crazy that would be! AND…AND…since it it in Vegas, we can totally do something with the whole gambling angle where like they win some money together but don’t know how to divide numbers by 2 so a judge has to settle it and he makes them stay together to work it out. THEN, they realize that they do like each other after all and they totally stay together cause love is awesome! Who would guess that they’d stay together when they like really don’t get along at all at first!?

The above is an appropriately condescending synopsis of What Happens in Vegas (watch the trailer here), starring Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. Queen Latifa also makes an appearance, as does Dennis Miller, who plays the hilariously named “Judge Whopper”. Get it? Whopper. Just like Judge Wapner? It’s funny cause it sounds like an actual famous judge, but is really the name of a popular burger and candy, and judges don’t have names reflective of such things. Oh, the incessant laughs!

On a scale of 1-10, I give What Happens in Vegas a -73 for the sheer fact that its premise is more recycled than the papers Woody Harrelson rolls joints with. They did something almost exactly like this on”Friends” a few years ago, and if any of the other instances of this scenario we’d all seen had any significance, I’d cite them here as well. 20th Century Fox must not only love mediocrity, but prune juice as they have no trouble shitting out movies. What Happens in Vegas still managed to finish 2nd at the box office this past weekend by bringing in $20 million, but that’s kind of like if you let Cameron Diaz compete at the Special Olympics. She probably wouldn’t win, but she might get 2nd. What Happens in Vegas, stays….on the shelf once it gets to DVD.